Private livesLife and style This article is more than 6 years oldMy mother always talks about herself, never listens to others – and is turning friends against her
This article is more than 6 years oldShe’s a terrible conversationalist, seizing any opportunity to dominate discussions. Raising this with her is daunting as she’s defensive and doesn’t take criticism well
My mother is a terrible conversationalist, and I think her behaviour is irritating people to the point of pushing them away. She tends to dominate conversations, turning any given exchange back around to her life experiences. She seems incapable of listening fully to others. Her own anecdotes rarely draw to a conclusion, and she will dwell on the tiniest, most insignificant details, that serve no point.
I have started to notice people getting visibly frustrated, even zoning out in boredom while she is talking, but she seems completely oblivious. Recently, at a party, my sister suggested my mother should make a speech, and one of the guests muttered: “Urgh ... four hours later.” She didn’t hear this, but it’s beyond apparent that it’s not only immediate family that are finding her frustrating even her friends are.
She is incredibly defensive and doesn’t take criticism lightly, so attempting to bring this up with her is daunting. Can anyone advise a tactful approach to this?
When leaving a message on this page, please be sensitive to the fact that you are responding to a real person in the grip of a real-life dilemma, who wrote to Private Lives asking for help, and may well view your comments here. Please consider especially how your words or the tone of your message could be perceived by someone in this situation, and be aware that comments that appear to be disruptive or disrespectful to the individual concerned will be removed.
If you would like fellow readers to respond to a dilemma of yours, send us an outline of the situation of about 150 words. For advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns.
All correspondence should reach us by Wednesday morning. Email: private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions: see gu.com/letters-terms
Explore more on these topicsShareReuse this contentncG1vNJzZmivp6x7tbTEoKyaqpSerq96wqikaKSZm7KiusOsq7KklWR%2FcX2WaKWorl9lgHC52GakqKyYmr9urcuwmLKrXamurbfSZpibp6Wpeqmx0aycpZ5do7K3sdFmo6KrpJq7tHnTqGSorJiav7R5wKebZqGjYsG2vs2ipaBllqe2prrDrGSan5Geu7TAjKGcqw%3D%3D